I am Really Useless

How poor my english it is .even no confidence to comunicate to ppl.
How useless I am still unable to perform well in certain aspect.
Nothing I can proud of.
Nothing I can do well even though how hard I work hard.
I Yang Pei Yun haven't found my ego personality till now.
How uneasy I am.

You noe how I envy those ppl can tok out their thinking so unfear and loudly.
I wonder where they got these braveness.
Y I can't speak out my thinking completely?
Is it something problem with my logical thought and analysis?
If it is true ,what is the problem?
How I can improve it?
What method do I use to improve?

Once,I was taught to be quiet so that less conflict I can get well with ppl.
Just shut up and do your own thing .
Don"t give any opinion if you are not expert in it.
But I found that this kind of survival way I chose was wrong.
It is a timid way like tortise trying to protect itself from any trouble.
But in another perspective, it is I trying to protect myself from getting hurt.
I am so insecure .
I know nothing will remain forever even friendship or love.
In the end ,you still alone to face the challenge.
You still depend on your own.
Maybe you will think how narrow-minded I am.
But don't you think every words from mankind are so insincere and hypocritical?
Ppl like to speak those beautiful and so surface word.
So I just take as joking for those.

I think
That is the reason why...
There is always a distance between me and my friend.
Maybe I need to change.^^